|Quotes & anecdotes from "The Portable Curmudgeon"
The opera...is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral.
When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves
her appearance. Victor Borge
The place where optimism flourishes most is the lunatic
asylum. Havelock Ellis
The basis of optimism is sheer terror. Oscar Wilde
The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds & the
pessimist knows it. J. Robert Oppenheimer
A paranoid is a man who knows a little of what's going on.
There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have
charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the
worst. G. B. Shaw
Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through
the nose of the gentleman. Herbert Spencer
A friendship recognized by the police. Robert Louis Stevenson
The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get
married. Cyril Connolly
I got married the second time in the way that, when a murder is
committed, crackpots turn up at the police station to confess the
crime. Delmore Schwartz
It is often pleasant to stone a martyr, no matter how mch we admire
him. John Barth
There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an
opinion. Anatole France
Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as
mediocre as possible. Margaret Mead
The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics
and women are idiots. Rebecca West
When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her
appearance. Victor Borge
If you leave the smallest corner of your head vacant for a moment,
other people's opinions will rush in from all quarters.
George Bernard Shaw
The amount of noise which anyone can bear undisturbed stands in
inverse proportion to his mental capacity.
I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend
in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize. G.B. Shaw
Assassins! Arturo Toscanini to his orchestra.
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the
whole girl. Stephen Leacock
Many a man has fallen love with a girl in a light so dim he would not
have chosen a suit by it. Maurice Chevalier
Nature is a hanging judge. Anonymous
The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.
A mother-in-law dies only when another devil is needed in hell.
Getting out of bed in the morning is an act of false confidence.
On Marilyn Monroe: She was good at playing abstract confusion in the
same way a midget is good at being short. Clive James
Morality is a disease which progresses in three stages:
virtue--boredom--syphilis. Karl Kraus